"Hallo, were are you?”

”I’m in my room.”

I went upstairs into Chads bedroom. He was sitting in front of his computer but when he saw me he turned it off, and came forward to me. I looked at him, in his gray eyes, read lips and his blond disheveled hair. I loved how he smiled at me, every time we were alone. He took my arm, sat himself on his bed and me on his knees. He looked at me like I was the only one in the whole world who matters. And I loved the way he made me feel, like he was the only one who matters. Like what’s happen tomorrow don’t mean anything because we’re together now. And then, he kissed me. For the last time.

I didn’t now it then. Because he was just supposed to move, from Florida to south Carolina

It was a year ago now, I haven’t heard from him since then. I knew something was wrong but I couldn’t say exactly what. In the beginning I thought about him a lot and wondered why he didn’t call. You can say I was pretty much brooked. Totally. It felt kind of natural after a while, I just stopped thinking about him one day and realized that what I thought was going to last for ever, was over. And I didn’t miss it. Last night a had a dream about him, it felt weird to think about him after all this time he hadn’t been in my life.

In my dream we stood looking out over the ocean, he was holding me. It was the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen and we heard the waves beat against the shore. I turned around and faced him, I saw his eyes, lips and his disheveled hair. Nothing had changed except that he wasn’t looking at me. His eyes were fixed on the horizon. I tried to move, but I coudn’t. His whole body were fixed. I was stuck. Then I woke up.

What’s that suppose to mean? What had happened to him. It came a cold wave over me, and I remembered how much I loved him back then. A tear fell down on my pillow. I stayed in my bed all day, just thinking. It was such a long time ago. But I remembered everything clearly.

I went up of my bed and made some food, when I started eating I felt how hungry I was. I hadn’t eat in the whole day and it had start become dark outside. I finished my breakfast-dinner or whatever you call it. I took on some worm clothes and went outside, I had no idea about were I was going, but I needed to get some fresh air.

My head was spinning, all this questions I didn’t know the answer on came up in my head again. I hadn’t tried to contact you except calling. But you hadn’t answer any of my calls. I lifted my eyes and found me standing outside your old house. It was six months since last time I was here. It felt familiar but still so distant. Your old door were now painted red and the new owner had plant two apple trees in the left side of the garden. Then I saw that it was somebody standing in the window was waving at me. She stopped when I saw her. I realized that I had stand locking at the house for a long time. I started to walk again. I took up my phone, looked at your number. I didn’t know if it would be strange to call, or it would be. And you wouldn’t answer anyway so I didn’t matters. But I called. I started feel tickling in my stomach. I had never been nervous about talking to you before. The tones were in a steady rhythm in the headset. No one pick up.

Then I turned home again, I started to move faster. It felt like somebody was watching me. I looked around but I didn’t saw anyone.

When I came home my phone rang. I was on my way to ignore it, because it had been such a weird day. And my head were still spinning. I didn’t know if I could take more bad news. But something told me to pick up. And I did.

“Hi”

“Hi”

“Who is it” I didn’t recognize his voice.

“It’s me... You know, Chad...”

I could barely breath, of course. Now I heard. It was him. It felt like nothing had change in my heart, I still loved him. I thought I was all over it, but I wasn’t.